I don't usually look like this, and yet this is how I'd love to.

My name is Marina. I don't usually look like this, and yet this is how I'd love to.
I am pretty much sceptical about this blog. This first entry. This trial or chance I am giving myself. But I have been sceptical so many times, that I guess I'll wait for this first unconfident step to be taken and see the results.

I am Spanish. I speak a good bit of English, I teach English in an academy, but I don't feel like I will be able to present every entry in English. You may find many of these in Spanish.

I am mainly interested in living life from the eyes of a children. But as you may already know, this is probably the most difficult thing we can let ourselves do nowadays. It's sad. It's not impossible. I can do it.

My life in the past 5 years has been directly related to Psychedelic drugs, the discovery of partner and collective love, and the healing of a very darkened and bored soul that just woke up to a Truer point of view (that basicaly includes ALL possibilities).

I suffer and I make other people suffer too...normally my closest friend and partner, and my family are the victims of this. It's a bad habit that my old sleepy soul found as an exit to let all the misunderstanding from all the tears that my childhood meant. I can't really say I have gone through a lot of bad situations, or extreme bad experiences. It kind of feels ridiculous and even guilty to have suffered so much when I know of the stories of either people I'm friends with and people I've never had the chance to meet, except for a short text in some online news network. This is how far from what I would call "real suffering" is. I am letting myself feel all this now, though, since one of the main points of this blog is the acceptance of what doesn't fit with my own standards.

I can also feel amazing, and make other people feel amazing. Fortunately in the past few years I have been getting good at this too, and my whole experience of life is radically changing its direction, its aims, and its rewards.

In relation to how the outer affects the inner, I can say that I am extremely sensitive to thoughts, to feelings, to energies from people around me. This makes it as good as bad by now, since I don't have the tools yet to manage the currents of life that flow around us everywhere. "We're working on it".

I am creating this written public document to share if that could ever work, and to trace the series of ideas and feelings that rush in and out my existance everyday. I doubt I will write everyday though, but I sure sense it'd be helpful to at least keep track of my own behavioral changes and how this affects my surroundings not to say my own spirit.

There are many ways in which I could be dealing with all this. I often do. I can do yoga, meditate, Tonglen breathing, ride my bike, play with my dog, make love to my partner, make love to other people, connect with my sister, talk to my parents...

But still there's something missing. I'm forgetting about something that really keeps me in a state of eternal procrastination, that hardly lets me advance in the way I can imagine I would be if I unblocked that mistery, Maybe it's so simple that I can't even take it seriously and ignore it instead.

It'd be so magical and cool if you shared your ideas, experiences, feelings, whatever you want with me and with others! <3

To end this post, I will introduce you to what I would like to be the second one: The day I discovered I am not a self, but a group of mechanisms and let's call it "little beings" inside of me that have been trying to coordinate throughout the years to make "me" (us) permit evolution happen.

Thank you and I wish you a great day/night.

Love,

Marina.






Now this is how I usually look :)